An Exercise in Allowing

Kolton cutting his own hair

I give haircuts to some of the people in our family. Ken and Karson always let me cut their hair - and I do a darn good job of it. Kane's hair is a bit wavy and the trimmers bother him, so I take him someplace for a professional to do the job.
I used to always cut Kolton's hair, but it has become a great argument and he simply refuses to get his hair cut. This leads to all kinds of teasing about him looking like Justin Bieber, which he actually seems to enjoy. I have occasionally taken him to Great Clips or someplace like it, with Kane to have it done, but he always ends up looking like "Bling Bling Boy" from the cartoon Johnny Test (if you watch the Cartoon Network).

"Bling Bling Boy" haircut

Yesterday I approached Kolton with the offer to get the trimmers out. Whether I offer to cut his hair myself or take him to get it done ALWAYS leads to a battle of wills over the subject. "You'll cut it too short!" or "I like it this way." are the most common protests.

YESTERDAY he thought differently about the idea. "Can I cut my own hair?"
"NO! Absolutely NOT. The boy who cuts his own hair has a fool for a barber." was my reply.
As I pleaded for him to let me cut his hair, he begged to do it himself, locking horns over the issue. Finally I said, "Fine, cut your own hair. You'll be asking for my help by the time you're done."

So I put the longest guide on the trimmers and Kolton got started.

It was like a train wreck for me: I couldn't watch, but I couldn't look away either. I would leave the room only to return and offer to help, which he repeatedly refused. Kalista stood by him the whole time, cheering him on and telling him what a good job he was doing.

It started to make me mad. I felt like he didn't trust me and I asked him "Why won't you let me help you?!?"
"You don't think I can do it and I want to prove you wrong."

That was it. While I was feeling irritated that he didn't trust me, he thought that I didn't trust him. That diffused my anger and frustration. And it was THEN that he asked me to help him finish up by trimming his neck and around his ears. (He had already used his dad's RAZOR to SHAVE his "sideburns" - during one of my absences from the room.)

The "allowing process" is difficult. We often have notions of what we expect of others, life and events that shape our sense of control. Sometimes those notions are changed when an event, like the birth of a child, naturally alters our paradigms simply through the experience. But other times we are challenged point blank, and we have a choice of whether we are going to resist or allow the event to happen and how we react to it.

This was just ONE of the many waves in the ocean of parenting and life, that at first I resisted then allowed. I think we grew from it. It was just a haircut. And he did a decent job. Next time I won't resist so much. I'll still offer to do the job, but I won't be offended when he wants to do it himself. And I'll be there to trim up the edges and remind him to clean it all up afterward.

Certain boundaries are always firm. But you've got to pick your battles, and I was not going to die on Haircut Hill.